I know I'm not the only one

  "I Know I'm Not The Only One" is the song that basically describes everything that has happened in the last 2 weeks. I wish it were a happier and different song to describe the 2 weeks, but I guess this was my curveball.
  I won't go into details because I don't want them out in the world, those are for the people involved and close family/friends to know.
  To begin (doesn't really have anything to do with what this post is about), it's funny how nobody thinks that I don't go through anything or that I don't need any help with anything. None of my friends were anywhere to be found when this happened. The one person that I thought would at least come to my rescue basically told me to fuck off via text because she had her own issues. So there's that. One friend from HS did actually listen though and I did reach out a few days after I found out about everything and she helped. There's a reason that I don't like to reach out to people though, I'd rather sit in my own pathetic feelings than throw them onto someone else's plate and let them sort through my issues with me. I know it helps sometimes, but it's not my thing.
  Anyways, back to the actual subject of this post.. I don't even know what the subject of this post is. I just know that I'm hurt and I feel sick to my stomach and that my head and heart are disagreeing about everything after finding out the news.
  Like, how do you just forget about something so painful? How do you stay with someone that hurt you so badly? I can't just forget and treat the relationship like nothing ever happened. I want to, but I know that's not possible. I wish that all of this would just go away and that I could wake up tomorrow and be ok again. I keep doubting everything and piecing things together, that's normal, right? Everything makes sense now, even as far back as a month ago. Piecing things together is probably one big thing that I've been doing. I feel like that's the only thing I think about anymore. I piece things together and things just add up way too well. It sucks and it hurts beyond comprehension.
  I get these moods that feel like the flu.. my stomach gets tight and I feel like I'm going to throw up, my head spins, and my heart just aches. Wishing this would go away isn't going to make it go away and I know that. I want this marriage to last so badly and I want to move forward. Oh my God, do I want to move on and forgive him. I just wish that was easy and a quick process. It's been 2 weeks almost and I still find myself wanting to slap him and basically inflict pain on him so that he knows my pain hasn't passed yet. I still get mad at him and want him to just leave me alone for a while. I still disconnect myself from him when he gets too close and I hate it because I don't want to cut him out.
  I just want to feel better and move on. :(