Kind of about my dad and the relation to how I've been feeling in general

   So, I've always felt like I annoyed my dad. I always remember feeling like I shouldn't be there, that he didn't want to be there, or like I was just being tolerated due to the custody agreement that my mom and him had. Growing up was hard. I know that my mom always thought I didn't like her, but that's not the case. I always loved her and she SHOWED me that she loved me so I didn't feel like I needed to prove anything to her or go out of my way to be shown that she loved me. I never had that from my dad. I always felt like I'd have to disobey or get hurt to get his attention and not money or presents.
   All I ever wanted was for my dad to show interest in my life and spend TIME with me like he'd spend money on presents and activities for me. I wish my mom never had to beg him to be involved. He never went to any of my concerts or soccer games. He never went to any of my therapy sessions. He never went to parent-teacher conferences. My mom always had to relay messages from my therapist, social worker, teachers, and my other authorities.
   Just recently, I've been able to see what my mom always told me about. I see him dread being me because now it's not "do you want me to come over for dinner?" It's "can I come over and see Booba (my son)." He wants to be involved with my son, but I see him doing the same thing that he did to me. He never just asks if I'm ok and just lets me talk unless I call him crying and that's very rare. When that happens, he gets awkward and doesn't want to get involved with how I feel.
   I love my dad, but I always had to compete with other aspects of his life. Therefore, I always wanted to be around him and wanted to try and make him enjoy my company and WANT to spend time with me.